A Lie Almost Changed Everything

He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11

photo: Renae Bowman

photo: Renae Bowman

Did you see that picture?

The horror!

That, my friends, was the day after the latest Southern California storm.
After a night of pounding rain and howling winds, that was the aftermath at my house. I know, huh—I’m sure you’re wondering if we’re calling in FEMA? We may!

It was crazy, but I know those of you living anywhere but here are saying, “ ‘storm?’ that ain’t no storm!”
I get it. But you have to know; our little weather occurrences out here are few and far between so when umbrellas go over, you know we had something big!

I thought of our personal storms.

Your storms.

My storms.

The ones that shake everything up and wreak havoc over our normal. The turbulence that stirs the waters and blows the winds.

They’re all different.

They’re personal.

Your storm may be something huge and mine insignificant in comparison—but it’s mine. And yours is yours.

I hate the storms, don’t you? I hate when our calm gets replaced with confusion. And then the confusion gets replaced with chaos. Then in no time, it can become a deep pit of despair that we can’t see a way out of. The walls around us become too high to climb and the opening seems too far out of reach. The darkness surrounds and the light fades.

Can I get personal here? I’ve spoken of it before. I’ve told this side of my story even though it’s hard to face.

I’ve been in that pit of despair.

I’ve been in the darkness where light didn’t shine.

My walls seemed too high to climb on my own.

I wanted out yet I didn’t have a ladder. But I did have a gun. And I had thoughts. And I wanted peace. The three combined a powerful want. I could be rid of a past replaying in my mind. I could be finished with being alone. I could stop facing the evil I saw everyday of my career. I could prove I was as useless as I thought I was.  I could end the pain and end the turmoil and end the storm.

A barrel in my mouth tasted better than the hurt in my heart.
Then a voice whispered, “there you go, pull the trigger, the pain will be gone, you’ll be happy.” And I listened, and I pulled slowly, and I heard the clicking…until the phone rang and a gentle, familiar voice spoke thru the answering machine. A voice, which was louder than the whisper in my head, had said more words to my soul than to my ears.  The gun fell and my heart was raised.

Typing those words just now turned me into a mess. As if it was that day all over again the pain has bubbled up to the top as tears are streaming down my cheeks with every keystroke I make. I’m sorry you guys, I went to a place I don’t like going to and a demon I hate facing.


My tears are for something different now. I cry because I came so close. I cry because I was in a place I don’t ever want to be again. I cry because I almost missed the day after. I almost missed every good thing that has happened since. I came so close to believing the whisper—the lie. I almost missed it all. I almost missed the life I have now and the life I’m guaranteed in the tomorrow.

Oh my friends, there will be many storms in our lives, won’t there? You may be in one of the biggest storms you have ever faced, right now. The walls may be growing higher than you can ever imagine escaping, and the light is all but gone—but don’t believe the lies that say there is no way out! Lies whisper there is no hope–the truth shouts there’ll always be. I want you to hang on to the absolute truth that there will be a day after the storm. There will be the newness as the old gets washed away. There will be light where the darkness once was.  Even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, even though you have countless reasons to believe otherwise, I can say with certainty, it will happen. If you’re barely hanging on, hang on to that.

Photo: Renae Bowman

Photo: Renae Bowman

But if that is too small of a promise, hang on to something much bigger. YOU were created for a reason. God formed you, caused you, and has loved you from the very first moment you were created. There is an absolute reason you are here. Don’t read that lightly. Read it with purpose because it is true. You are more than the storm you are in. You are more than the troubles that are weighing you down.

It took me awhile to realize all of that. But then I met a Savior. And then it all made sense. I know why the phone rang that day. I know who was in that room with me.  Those storms and those struggles and those tears became clear. My weakness revealed His strength. My solitude revealed his Sovereignty. My needs revealed His love.

There will be a day you will see it too.  When the clearing comes, you will turn around and see God’s handprints over all of it.  You’ll see the reason, the purpose, and the salvation. And through the tears, you will find perfect peace. Through the tears, you will see perfect love.


(To those who are maybe skirting the thoughts I shared, please reach out! To someone! Please don’t reason away you’re not worth a conversation…because you are. May I offer a lifeline to be one you can connect to? You can always email me through the links on this site (it’s private) and we’d go from there.  If these words spoke to you, they were made for a reason—lets see why.)

7 Replies

  1. martha Black

    Thank you Jesus for Renae and the beautiful light that she is

  2. Sheila Sanchez

    I am VERY happy that you didn’t listen to that lie! Couldn’t imagine our lives without you. Some storm’s are worse than others, when there is destruction we need help to make things right. You were blessed to find strength in your faith! I enjoyed reading your post today, very moving, thank you.

    1. Thank you Sheila!! You are a God send to my life. Thank you for the kind words.

  3. Kevyn

    Thank you Renae for sharing. It really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. As you know, I have been there. Satan’s grip can be so powerful but God’s is stronger. We just have to believe.

    1. Yes Kevyn! God’s grip is so much stronger. But those whispers sure can be loud sometimes. I’m glad the words touched you and I will lift you in prayer constantly.

  4. Chrissy Pollard

    Jim smiled when I read this to him <3

    1. I’m smiling too! Tell him thank you!

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