Compare No More

“Everything God creates is good…” 1Timothy 4:4

Photo: Renae Bowman

Of course, she entered the room right when I was stuffing a tortilla chip into my mouth. This woman. She beamed like a new sunrise and displayed a body to die for in a spectacular dress. All eyes turned her way. Thank God, I guess, since they didn’t see the glob of guacamole that swung from the chip, to the corner of my mouth, down to the bottom of my chin. Oh, perfect! As she’s strolling in looking all that fantastic, I’m in the corner stuffing on crunch while wiping away a green mess. Great! I thought to myself, Timing couldn’t be better. She—a smooth goddess, walking a runway in front of all; Me—a manic chip eater at the trough shoveling food like I just came off a 40-day-fast.   I felt small.

A week later, I sat in an office waiting to meet the woman whose name was on the diplomas on the walls. When the door opened, I came face to face with one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Her skin—flawless like a newborn baby’s. Her eyes—blue as the sea. Her legs—long and lean. Her smile—wide and engaging. As we sat down to talk she tucked her dress and crossed her legs. I on the other hand had to pull my shirt loose from the stomach rolls that happen when I sit in a chair. I felt small.

Comparison.

To the beauty. To the lack of beauty. To the seemingly blessings of one and denial of another.

It’s a dangerous road to go down. It’s a road that leads to heartache and useless feelings. It’s a road that our Maker NEVER wants us to venture on—He knows the pitfalls.

I’ll cut to the chase. As I said in both situations, I felt small. I felt inadequate. I felt less than.
But, just momentarily. Yes, momentarily.
This is not a writing on how I went on for days of bad feelings. Nope.

I have to say, a newness has taken it’s place and I am grateful God has given it to me. Chalk it up to wisdom, or old(er) age, or experience, or quite frankly knowing my place in His world—but my thoughts are changing. Quite frankly, I believe it’s an answer to prayer.

I have spent decades in the comparison realm. I have spent a lot of time sizing up everyone else around me and seeing how I stack up against them; their looks, their skill-sets, their accomplishments. But where has that gotten me? If you do the same, may I ask, where has it gotten you? Probably like me—not far. Probably like me—a whole lot of wasted energy.

I have given up the lists. I have given up making lists of how I stack up or sit down against the other women around me. These lists have got to go my friends! I’ve even let go of the usual reasoning of you don’t know what her life is like. That’s still a list! That’s still using a measuring rod to make her’s bad and mine good. That’s not right! That’s not fair! It’s still a ruler.

Author and speaker Jon Acuff recently spoke to this in a podcast about momentum. He highlighted comparison. Timely. I like what he said. He suggested comparison leads to one of two things—either arrogance or shame–it never ends in happiness.
Arrogance, if you are ahead of the other person—having a sense of cockiness or better than.
Shame, if you are behind the other person. A feeling of not being enough or can’t achieve.

I think that is spot on!  You?

It reinforced my newer thoughts.  I am determined that when I’m feeling small against other women, whether guacamole is dripping off my chin, or when my clothes are stuck in my stomach rolls, I tell myself something different now. I silently reinforce her as much as myself.
I replay these words… “She’s beautiful—I’m beautiful.”
No stacking lists of mine over hers.
No secret dislike.
No sizing up and tearing down.

It seems to me there is enough room in this world for two women, in the same place, to be beautiful at the same exact time—in their own unique way.
Don’t you think?

You are God’s child.
He made you in His image.
He made her in His image.
He calls us both beautiful.
Everything He creates is good.
Will you start believing that? Will you start sharing that? Will you start living that?

If we can get to a place where the confidence of women rise and the comparisons fall we can get to a good place…a God place…a real place.

***Extra***
I did a little checking.
#ShesBeautifulImBeautiful
In our social media age, I found it surprising this hashtag has not been created. What if we made it a tagline in our messages?  What if the simple words help another woman see her own beauty and her own place along side another? Maybe we could start something?
Hashtag aside, may I encourage you to use the words often–both silently and openly to reinforce both yourself and those around you to be at peace with who you are and God’s endless beauty.

[clickToTweet tweet=”It seems to me there is enough room in this world for two women, in the same place, to be beautiful at the same time. ” quote=”It seems to me there is enough room in this world for two women, in the same place, to be beautiful at the same time. “]